Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
True college students do jello shots in the library
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
