i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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