Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
