Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
