thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
