how do flat chested girls get laid?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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