Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
