Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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