Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
