i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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