I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
