I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
how drunk are you?
Several
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
