I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
