Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
