You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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