She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
