In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The ass gains better be worth it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
