I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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