does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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