at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
