She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
