Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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