last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
