She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
