Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
