Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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