Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
