Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
