I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize