hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize