I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Send help, water and tortillas.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
