Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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