Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
