so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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