you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
