Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
