she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
