Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
