I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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