he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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