OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
