Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
