its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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