I faked an abortion last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
