I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
