the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
