This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
