It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
