Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pants are for mortals
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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