You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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