I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
