party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
