He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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