We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
