So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize