I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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