That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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