i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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