Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
