She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
